Mental Health And Transition Update

I don’t really know where to start, so I guess I might as well start from the beginning. A few months, my endocrinologist ordered a bunch of blood tests to see if I still have Polycystic ovary syndrome. (Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is a hormonal disorder common among women of reproductive age) And the reason behind the tests is to have a definite yes or no about this condition and whether I have it.

I don’t have most of the symptoms of PCOS, but I have some like body hair, sadly I don’t have it on my face, I do get irregular cycles, pelvic pain, I don’t know how fertile or infertile I’m because I never tried to get pregnant. So, if it turns out I have PCOS, then I’ll deal with it as I deal with everything else in life. Hopefully, it turns out that I don’t have which will lower my risk of having things like type 2 diabetes – a lifelong condition that causes a person’s blood sugar level to become too high. Depression and mood swings – because the symptoms of PCOS can affect your confidence and self-esteem. High blood pressure and high cholesterol – which can lead to heart disease and stroke and sleep apnoea – overweight women may also develop sleep apnoea, a condition that causes interrupted breathing during sleep.

My endocrinologist told me to go and see a psychiatrist who works with trans people and just to make it clear here in Malta you don’t need a psychiatrist report to start hormones. Having said that I needed to see one due to my anxiety and my history an eating disorder. To say that I wasn’t terrified is like saying a monkey doesn’t like banana I know it’s not the best comparison, but it’s all I can compare to right now. I went to the appointment two hours late by mistake but thanked God she still saw me and she was super friendly.

She confirmed that both my anxiety and my past eating disorder is the cause of gender dysphoria. She recommended me for hormones and top surgery. It felt freeing because I’m not going to seem as ‘insane’ as my 15-year-old self has seemed. My aim and dream are for more training for doctors when it comes to handling trans patients. I choose to share my medical stuff for the sole reason to remind people that they aren’t alone, so if you guys have any questions put them down in the comments, and I’ll try my best to answer them.


Love you guys


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The 7th of June (last month) I had a day off since in Malta it’s a public holiday here. Having said that I can’t remember why it’s a public holiday. I asked my friend if he wants to hang out and after joining me to the launch of TRANSformazzjoni. TRANSformazzjoni is a documentary by MGRM (Malta Gay Rights Movement). This documentary talks about and showcases trans people and their lives in Malta.

TRANSformazzjoni features five people from the trans community here in Malta, who come from different backgrounds and with their own unique life story to share. From the first five minutes, I connected to the people I watched on screen.

Okay let’s fast forward backwards a bit, back in February I met my friend Alex, and he asked me to take part in it, but I couldn’t because I wasn’t out to my dad back then. And I didn’t want to be outed to my family if by any chance they end up seeing it.

To be 100% honest with you I did write something to go in the documentary which I don’t think made the final cut which doesn’t bother me. Most of us were in tears through out the whole thing, and for me, it was tough to watch because it felt like my personal story being told on screen. I started having flashbacks from my past, and I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest and was very close to face an anxiety attack right then and there.

Thankful I managed to calm myself down. I’m super glad to be invited and be able to attend and watch the launch of this powerful and meaningful piece of art. The ones who created this documentary just uploaded the whole thing on YouTube, so I’ll put the link down below so all of you can watch it. If you’re worried that you won’t understand it cause it’s in Maltese, don’t worry it has subtitles


Rainbow Railroad: Way To Freedom

What we don’t hear a lot about in the media is what LGBTQIA+ people whose countries don’t embrace or have equality laws go through. People in these countries are being thrown to jail and even killed in some cases, because of being who they are, and that’s where Rainbow Railroad comes in.

Rainbow Railroad was established in 2006 and last year alone has helped 198 people. The way that they reach the people who need help is by having a network with the leaders of the LGBTQIA+ communities, which help put forward cases. Sadly Rainbow Railroad can only help the person if they are part of such organisations to ensure trustworthiness. What’s heartbreakingly is that most of these people have body scares as proof of what they endured plus the mental scares that none of us gets to see.

The cost to help a person varies because every case is different. Some people have resources to make a move, but they need the right information. In other cases, it takes Rain Railroad on average $ 10,000 to get the person to safety and their freedom. Does it really work? According to Rainbow Railroad website, every LGBTQIA+ person they’ve helped with travel support to date has been able to claim asylum in a safe country.

Unfortunately, they can’t offer legal advice. What happens once the move is made and the person is set free? They connect the people to other organisations; they are partners with to do the settlement. Since they mainly focus on the move between countries.

Please go on the site I’m linking their website below and DONATE and SUPPORT. My personal reason is that I’m sick and tired of losing amazing people.


Rainbow Railroad Website

Rainbow Railroad YouTube Channel

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Endocrinologists And Hormones: Today Is The Day

Hey, the day you’re reading this I’m at the gender clinic waiting to meet my third endocrinologist, and I don’t think I ever gave my full story when it comes to hormones and endocrinologists and to do that I’m going to have to go back to the very start of everything. I believe that raw and honest is the way to go.

A week before my 21st birthday, I felt like the world is falling on my head, and I couldn’t cope. So I went online and when on the support group that we have in Malta. They spoke to me and gave me links to groups that could help me. I searched all the organises, and the one that stood up to me, so I sent them a Facebook message. That’s how I met my social worker, and she gave me a name to what I was feeling. She confirmed that I’m trans, and I have something called gender dysphoria from my answers to her questions.

The first few months of my transition, I thought that I wouldn’t need testosterone but as soon, as I stopped denying my mind the freedom. It just clicked, and I knew I wanted to help with hormones to help me physically and mentally. I went to the doctor that takes care of me for cerebral palsy came out to her, and I asked her for a blood test to check my hormones levels given that I have PCOS, and I also asked for a referral to an endocrinologist.

She told me that I would need a psychologist, so she gave me another reference to one. (In Maltese law you  don’t need a psychologist or a psychiatrist to start hormones). I took my blood on the same day, and a few days they gave me appointments to both clinics on the same day. The first appointment with the psychologist went well, in fact, she’s my psychologist to this day.

However, I can’t say the same for the endocrinologist. I entered the room, and the doctor yelled my death name and asked me ‘what are you doing here?’ I said because I’m trans and I want hormones. I told her that I’ve been 6 months out as a man and she called me a baby. She wanted two years with a psychiatrist and two reports from two different psychiatrists, which is against the trans laws in Malta. I never turned to see that doctor again.

A few months, I went to a private clinic, and this endocrinologist was a tiny bit more understanding. He said he could see that I’m trans from my history. However, he didn’t see my test result or explained them to me neither did the first one. The only excuse that this doctor gave me for not allowing it was that I wasn’t out to my dad yet, which is illegal because I was over 18 which means I didn’t need my parent’s permission.

So here we are today, I hope that this doctor doesn’t refuse my case, that I can take my blood tested again and explained and hopefully he will answer some of the questions I have, praying in the end that everything will lead me to start hormones.

Wish me luck,


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Pride Month Post 6: Podcast Review LGBT1 Stories

My friend Neville told me to listen to a podcast recently. He loves to listen to podcasts. I’ve been interested in podcasts but had never gotten into it before, so I decided to give it a shot. He told me to listen to the Good Life Project (an episode about finding work you love), but as its pride month, I was browsing on Spotify to check what material they had about LGBT topics.

I stumbled upon LGBTI Stories, a podcast that features real people from the LGBT community and their stories. The first episode I listened to was about this lady called Nathalie Elle Woods, a gay woman from Denton USA. She was having dinner in a restaurant and overheard a conversation from the next table talking negatively about a relative who just came out as gay.  She immediately thought of doing something so when the server came to give her the bill, she asked for the family’s bill, and she paid it for them. Not only did she pay it but she left a note saying “Happy holidays from the very gay very liberal table sitting next to you. Jesus made me this way. PS Be accepting of your family.” This shows you how not all of us. There is still some good in this world, even though wherever we look on TV, those kinds of stories are rare, but they still exist.


Firsts Lines Fridays

First Lines Fridays is a weekly feature for book lovers hosted by Wandering Words. What if instead of judging a book by its cover, its author or its prestige, we judged it by its opening lines?

  • Pick a book off your shelf (it could be your current read or on your TBR) and open to the first page
  • Copy the first few lines, but don’t give anything else about the book away just yet – you need to hook the reader first
  • Finally… reveal the book


Princeton University:  Admission Office

P.O. Box 430

110 West College

Princeton, New Jersey, 08544-0430

Dear Sana:

Once again, congratulations. We are thrilled to be offering you admission for the Class of 2023. As you applied early admission, we know you are as excited as we are about this splendid news.

As we wrote earlier, you and your parents or guardians are invited to join us for our April hosting program to learn more about Princeton. An invitation is enclosed with our earlier mailing. Our faculty members are interested in meeting you and we hope you can join us.

We are still waiting on your response card, which you need to fill out and return to us with a May 1 postmark.


Irene McAndrew Malloy
Dean of Admissions

Re: Congratulations!

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And The Book Is..

Tell Me How You Really Feel
Tell Me How You Really Feel
by Aminah Mae Safi

Do you guys want me to review it since it’s a new release?




Pride Flag Book Tag

This was created by Common Spence


1. Red (Life) – A book with a spirited protagonist totally proud of who they are. Someone who gives you LIFE!

When I Drag Teen, I did so because I want it  to learn more drag culture but ended up loving the characters.

Drag Teen
Drag Teen
by Jeffery Self

2. Orange (Healing) – A book that made you, as the reader, find a deeper meaning or catharsis in your own life.

This book truly helped me to accept myself.

Trans Mission: My Quest to a Beard
Trans Mission: My Quest to a Beard
by Alex Bertie

3. Yellow (Sunshine) – A book that fills you with so much joy it could brighten even your darkest day.

This is my pick me up book.

Beautiful Music for Ugly Children
Beautiful Music for Ugly Children
by Kirstin Cronn-Mills

4. Green (Nature) – A book that is set out of this world — a reality different to our own.

As I Descended
As I Descended
by Robin Talley

5. Blue (Peace) – A book where one of the characters finds peace with a difficult truth.

I Wish You All the Best
I Wish You All the Best
by Mason Deaver

6. Purple (Spirit) – A book that deals with LGBT+ themes and religion.

Georgia Peaches and Other Forbidden Fruit
Georgia Peaches and Other Forbidden Fruit
by Jaye Robin Brown