Hey, the day you’re reading this I’m at the gender clinic waiting to meet my third endocrinologist, and I don’t think I ever gave my full story when it comes to hormones and endocrinologists and to do that I’m going to have to go back to the very start of everything. I believe that raw and honest is the way to go.

A week before my 21^st birthday, I felt like the world is falling on my head, and I couldn’t cope. So I went online and when on the support group that we have in Malta. They spoke to me and gave me links to groups that could help me. I searched all the organises, and the one that stood up to me, so I sent them a Facebook message. That’s how I met my social worker, and she gave me a name to what I was feeling. She confirmed that I’m trans, and I have something called gender dysphoria from my answers to her questions.

The first few months of my transition, I thought that I wouldn’t need testosterone but as soon, as I stopped denying my mind the freedom. It just clicked, and I knew I wanted to help with hormones to help me physically and mentally. I went to the doctor that takes care of me for cerebral palsy came out to her, and I asked her for a blood test to check my hormones levels given that I have PCOS, and I also asked for a referral to an endocrinologist.

She told me that I would need a psychologist, so she gave me another reference to one. (In Maltese law you  don’t need a psychologist or a psychiatrist to start hormones). I took my blood on the same day, and a few days they gave me appointments to both clinics on the same day. The first appointment with the psychologist went well, in fact, she’s my psychologist to this day.

However, I can’t say the same for the endocrinologist. I entered the room, and the doctor yelled my death name and asked me ‘what are you doing here?’ I said because I’m trans and I want hormones. I told her that I’ve been 6 months out as a man and she called me a baby. She wanted two years with a psychiatrist and two reports from two different psychiatrists, which is against the trans laws in Malta. I never turned to see that doctor again.

A few months, I went to a private clinic, and this endocrinologist was a tiny bit more understanding. He said he could see that I’m trans from my history. However, he didn’t see my test result or explained them to me neither did the first one. The only excuse that this doctor gave me for not allowing it was that I wasn’t out to my dad yet, which is illegal because I was over 18 which means I didn’t need my parent’s permission.

So here we are today, I hope that this doctor doesn’t refuse my case, that I can take my blood tested again and explained and hopefully he will answer some of the questions I have, praying in the end that everything will lead me to start hormones.

Wish me luck,

Alex