Disability, Queerness And Intimacy

For some reason, Saturdays are the days when my stats are low in terms of views, and for once, I’m capitalising on that, as the topics I’m discussing today are raw, and it makes me feel vulnerable. Even if we are in 2025, so it shouldn’t be the case. My topics are disability, queerness and intimacy together and sometimes alone; they create some taboo or at least in the society I’m in they do.

Here, I’m talking from things I lived or saw from the people around me. I think the best place to start is here: sexuality and gender identity might move parallel to each other, but they are two completely different things. Let’s take myself as an example. After discussing with doctors, therapists, and social workers, we figured out that I started experiencing gender dysphoria around age five but didn’t explore the fact that my attraction might not be based on gender, hence why pansexuality is the label which fits me the most.

Having said that, labels should be just a way of self-expression, not a way for us to put ourselves or, worse, others in boxes. Overall, the labels we pick might change through our lives, something I struggle with. There’s a specific episode that I’m still angry about in terms of intimacy. At age 18, I fell in love with an American guy, and after two years in a relationship, I was invited on a show where they ‘surprise’ you with a loved one you haven’t seen in a long time or never, in my case. However, I went on knowing that my ex wouldn’t show up.

Sadly, by then, the show’s host and producers had put in a lot of work, so they still wanted a story. A week later, I had surgery under local anaesthetic, meaning I was awake, so the nurse started talking to me about the show. My doctor got wind that I was in a relationship, so she began yelling that having a disability with my mobility issues makes a relationship unacceptable. Little did I know that I was recovering, she went to yell at my mother for letting this thing ‘happen’ which I’m sure came very out of left field for mum who was very worried about surgery.

Now, I always was very open and upfront about my disability and mobility issues with anyone I meet since this isn’t something I can change. If you think this post was helpful in any way, I can consider creating a part 2 with additional thoughts and experiences, as I believe we should discuss this topic further, regardless of how vulnerable it may feel.

Alex