Why Do The Pills Work by Haven Madison

Mental health is hard work. We are in Pride month, where we talk about coming out and being your true self. As much as I’m not fond of it, mental health has a significant impact on my journey. I shared bits and pieces of this. The question is, am I ready to share it all, and I fear the answer is still no, but that’s okay. Thinking about what I’m writing brings me to tears. My teens were painful, and for a long time.

At around 13, I couldn’t bear the hate I had for myself, more specifically, my body and as an adult, I think this is what made me more of a target to bullies, so I basically stopped eating because, bottom line, I didn’t want to be here my parents didn’t know what to do I was fading away I don’t blame them. The school social worker thought I was doing it for attention to be pitied, so he referred me to a psychiatrist, who believed I was doing it for attention and put me on antidepressants.

I can remember the line he gave was that the pill would make you happy, guess it didn’t work. Fast forward eight years, I felt so bummed when the gender clinic told me I needed to be seen by a psychiatrist by then I was simply tired of being called insane behind my back and in my face. For the first time, I was asked why I think I feel this way, and it took the doctor five minutes to see that gender dysphoria was not something my mind made up.

Hence, I was approved for hormones and later on surgery. I still feel the taboo, and I still have my lows like this week, but it’s better than what it used to be. The song that inspired me to write all this is Why Do The Pills Work by Haven Madison.

Why Do The Pills Work Lyrics:

Always was a fearful kid
Was always on my mother’s hip
She never had to question if I’d leave
Who I am she couldn’t fix
‘Cause I’m just a different kind of sick
And of all the kids God gave her me
I’d wake up while they would dream
I’m in cold sweat but I can’t scream

And I can white knuckle all the way through this
I might be broken but I’ll say it’s just bruises
I’m in the fire but I don’t gotta burn
‘Cause one a day will bring me back to the Earth
I don’t need pity for the cards I was dealt
You say it’s normal like you think it’ll help
And I’m not saying people don’t have it worse
But if there’s nothing wrong with me
Then why do the pills work

One time I tried to cut it off
Thought if I could last then I was strong
But I only started panicking again
It wasn’t long until I knew
That the diagnosis it was true
I don’t wanna break so I’m learning how to bend
I’m not weak for finding peace
Don’t you think I deserve sleep

And I can white knuckle all the way through this
I might be broken but I’ll say it’s just bruises
I’m in the fire but I don’t gotta burn
‘Cause one a day will bring me back to the Earth
I don’t need pity for the cards I was dealt
You say it’s normal like you think it’ll help
And I’m not saying people don’t have it worse
But if there’s nothing wrong with me
Then why do the pills work
Oh why do the pills work

It’s clinical and medical
Out of control and it gets old
And God I hate it
It’s in my mind it’s all the time
It’s hard to climb it’s my design
I can’t fake it
It’s in the air it’s everywhere
And it’s not fair and yeah I’m scared
But I’m not breaking
I’m strong enough to open up
I don’t need love what’s done is done
And I can’t take it

And I can white knuckle all the way through this
It’s not a life that somebody just chooses
I’m in the fire but I don’t gotta burn
‘Cause one a day will bring me back to the Earth
I don’t need pity for the cards I was dealt
You say it’s normal like you think it’ll help
And I’m not saying people don’t have it worse
But if there’s nothing wrong with me
Then why do the pills work

A Pill:

Take it, honey, it’s just one pill
The pain will kill
What about the questions you needed to ask
When my care was your task
The joy that was never gained
Still didn’t kill my heart flame
Because I wasn’t the one to blame
Alex