Small by Lauren Spencer Smith

Due to some books causing a reading slump, I have been listening to music. I don’t create well with anything in the background, so this led me to the idea of picking a song and writing about it—maybe a poem or a novel while sharing my two cents on it all. The song I chose is Small by Lauren Spencer Smith. I only heard it on Spotify, so I’m unsure how popular it is. From the singer’s YouTube Channel, it’s a pretty new release. These posts are meant to be Monday music sort of thing, but tomorrow, it’s my 7^th blog anniversary, and I think that deserves a post on its own.

Small Lyrics:

I’ve been holding my stomach in for so long

Don’t even notice I’m doing it anymore

I work out hard, seven days a week

But I don’t feel any differently

I wonder if I’ll ever change

I don’t think I can live this way

I wake up hating my body

Scared that there’s nothing that’ll make it better

If I’m not happy and skinny, quiet and pretty

Do I even matter?

Hate being hungry when I go to sleep

Biting my tongue so much it’s gonna bleed

I’m killing myself, but I don’t think it’s helping at all

Trying to be small

Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

Walk over me, and I take it so politely

‘Cause I still care what they think and if they like me

I used to smile and show my teeth

Now I don’t smile at anything

I wonder if I’ll ever change

I don’t wanna be this way

I wake up hating my body

Scared that there’s nothing that’ll make it better

If I’m not happy and skinny, quiet and pretty

Do I even matter?

Hate being hungry when I go to sleep

Biting my tongue so much it’s gonna bleed

I’m killing myself, but I don’t think it’s helping at all

Trying to be

Everything that makes me sad

A therapist, a punching bag

Wish I could eat and not feel bad

Swear I’m gonna scream

No one’s ever listening

And they don’t care, it’s killing me

As long as I can fucking sing

Then life is a dream

But I wake up hating my body

Scared that there’s nothing that’ll make it better

If I’m not happy and skinny, quiet and pretty

Do I even matter?

Hate being hungry when I go to sleep

Biting my tongue so my cheek’s gonna bleed

I’m killing myself, but I don’t think it’s helping at all

I’m killing myself, and I don’t think it’s healthy at all

Trying to be small

My Young Self and I

Day in and day out

I punished my body

For the burning pain

Inside of it

Since that’s what I saw

The adults around me doing

Now, as an adult myself

I know that perfect doesn’t exist

But I’m still the hardest

On myself, most of all

Alex