I wasn’t going to post this; in fact, it took me about a month to get the courage to post this. I’m not doing it for pity or for people to feel sorry for me. I’m doing this because it might help someone else and for me to read as time passes.
I must say that going into it; I felt like I was about to be served a prison sentence or being set free. I went into the room, and the nurse asked me who was waiting with me, and I said, mum and sister. The endocrinologist said good morning and started asking questions. I told him about my PCOS, and he opened my old hormones test and what he saw didn’t match with PCOS, and that was a bit of a shock for me. It’s what we were told I had when I was 15 before I was discharged by the gynaecologist I had.
Another issue is my antidepressants (fluvoxamine), which again I was given by a psychiatrist and was discharged by that doctor too. However, he didn’t tell my parents when I can stop taking them being that I was 15; therefore, still underage I had no say in it. Eight years later, I’m still taking them. As I’m learning more about myself, I’m noticing that I feel anxious every time I get dysphoria like they’re best friends or something I won’t have one without the other, which might be the problem here. But again, I’m not a psychiatrist.
When my mum enters the room, she acted very supportively, and that’s not the mum I have to face at home, as you know, my mum is sometimes transphobia. She made the endocrinologist believe that I’m the one who takes my mum out of my life. As you know, I tried so much to tell how I’m feeling, but she is a wall I can’t breakthrough. And her pointing fingers at me hurt, and that’s when I ended up in tears. Luckily as time passes, the relationship with my mum is getting better.
I finished the first book in this dilogy back in 2017, and it was the first that I read that had a transgender main character. It was clear that Stephie was having a hard time dealing with the emotions that she is a girl inside. At the start of any transition, it brings a lot of self-blame and fear of the unknown, and I could read and feel how close to real life that aspect in the book is. I remember how strong friendships were. It taught me a life lesson that most parents accept their kids as who they are, even if that takes time. The love story between Jake and Stephie is to die for, adding to it was the lovemaking. I gave The Definition of Normal: A Transgender Love Story a five out of five stars.
I recurrently read The Definition of Equal: The transgender story continues (The Definition Duology Book 2) and I have mix feelings about it. We continue to see the love Stephie and Jake have for each other, while they take it to the next step. We meet with a new character called Colleen. Reading Colleen character was a reminder transphobia still exists even from those we love the most, our parents and in that case our friends become our family. I didn’t like some logics of things and the influence of society and how we don’t dare to step out of that box. Therefore, I gave this book three out of five stars.
The 7th of June (last month) I had a day off since in Malta it’s a public holiday here. Having said that I can’t remember why it’s a public holiday. I asked my friend if he wants to hang out and after joining me to the launch of TRANSformazzjoni. TRANSformazzjoni is a documentary by MGRM (Malta Gay Rights Movement). This documentary talks about and showcases trans people and their lives in Malta.
TRANSformazzjoni features five people from the trans community here in Malta, who come from different backgrounds and with their own unique life story to share. From the first five minutes, I connected to the people I watched on screen.
Okay let’s fast forward backwards a bit, back in February I met my friend Alex, and he asked me to take part in it, but I couldn’t because I wasn’t out to my dad back then. And I didn’t want to be outed to my family if by any chance they end up seeing it.
To be 100% honest with you I did write something to go in the documentary which I don’t think made the final cut which doesn’t bother me. Most of us were in tears through out the whole thing, and for me, it was tough to watch because it felt like my personal story being told on screen. I started having flashbacks from my past, and I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest and was very close to face an anxiety attack right then and there.
Thankful I managed to calm myself down. I’m super glad to be invited and be able to attend and watch the launch of this powerful and meaningful piece of art. The ones who created this documentary just uploaded the whole thing on YouTube, so I’ll put the link down below so all of you can watch it. If you’re worried that you won’t understand it cause it’s in Maltese, don’t worry it has subtitles
As you guys know, I’m always on the lookout for any LGBTQIA+ stories, and today I found one and I wanted to share it with you. Sometimes it takes as little as a t-shirt saying dad’s free hugs to bring some enjoyment and peace to this world.
Howie Dittman went to the Pittsburgh Pride Parade with a compelling message on his t-shirt it said ‘Free Dad Hugs’. Luckily he went to the pride because he wasn’t even going but changed his mind after his after a friend said she was going to pride wearing a shirt that says ‘Free Mum Hugs’ he decided to join.
It was clear the impact that those three words had on the people there. Most people just sobbed in his arms; some told him their stories, but I’m sure they all had one thing in common they carried pain and needed a hug and a parent figure to give them that human love and start the road to healing.
A few months The Malta Gay Right Movement came out with the slogan #curehatenotlove, and that’s what I remind myself every time someone tries to put me down or discriminated me just because I’m who I was meant to be, or who I choose to love.
So here is my issue I don’t remember any childhood reads. The reason could be that because I have dyslexia and I had a super hard time learning how to read so my mind might have wiped out those memories. What I’m going to list are books that I would read to my kids if I ever have them.
What we don’t hear a lot about in the media is what LGBTQIA+ people whose countries don’t embrace or have equality laws go through. People in these countries are being thrown to jail and even killed in some cases, because of being who they are, and that’s where Rainbow Railroad comes in.
Rainbow Railroad was established in 2006 and last year alone has helped 198 people. The way that they reach the people who need help is by having a network with the leaders of the LGBTQIA+ communities, which help put forward cases. Sadly Rainbow Railroad can only help the person if they are part of such organisations to ensure trustworthiness. What’s heartbreakingly is that most of these people have body scares as proof of what they endured plus the mental scares that none of us gets to see.
The cost to help a person varies because every case is different. Some people have resources to make a move, but they need the right information. In other cases, it takes Rain Railroad on average $ 10,000 to get the person to safety and their freedom. Does it really work? According to Rainbow Railroad website, every LGBTQIA+ person they’ve helped with travel support to date has been able to claim asylum in a safe country.
Unfortunately, they can’t offer legal advice. What happens once the move is made and the person is set free? They connect the people to other organisations; they are partners with to do the settlement. Since they mainly focus on the move between countries.
Please go on the site I’m linking their website below and DONATE and SUPPORT. My personal reason is that I’m sick and tired of losing amazing people.