I’m doing things differently this week. I typically listen to the whole Spotify playlist to find the song I connect with the most, but I have the time today, plus I want to try something with the lyrics of the song, the one I picked is “Story Of A Warrior” by John Michael Howell. The first verse is “I heard of a man”; I know that gender has a lot to do with biology, and something I don’t talk about is the anger I had with myself being trans, as in if God made me a ‘woman’, why do I feel nothing but pain with that connection.
When people used female pronouns or the wrong gender marker before I came out, of course, it caused hurt, but when I came out, and people used the wrong pronouns as a weapon, it became a bruising kind of pain; a mark was left which takes longer to heal, and it won’t until you learn to have a thickest skin. Gender has two mirrors: your personal one and the one from society. The issue is that they both reflected on you, and changing that view isn’t easy.
Story Of A Warrior Lyrics:
I heard of a man
A legend of old
Who searched for a heart
He could hold
All through the land
His story was told
Passed down through all
The lonely souls
So if you want to hear
Lend your ear and
I’ll tell you the story of a warrior
Who fought the fight of love
With every wound he wore
He raised his sword and
Marched through tears and blood
And though his foes left him broken
He arose with a hope inside his heart
Right through the scars
Now they tell the story of a warrior
Who fought the fight
Who fought the fight of love
Through fire and rain
His heart set ablaze
No matter the pain
He set his soul on fire
Held his head up higher
When you hear his name, they’ll say
I’ll tell you the story of a warrior
Who fought the fight of love
With every wound he wore
He raised his sword and
Marched through tears and blood
And though his foes left him broken
He arose with a hope inside his heart
Right through the scars
Now they tell the story of a warrior
Who fought the fight
Who fought the fight of love
Visiting:
I keep visiting my old self
Even if I don’t want to
As if a door you closed
Yet you keep knocking on
Because you need to understand
What was left behind
And the parts that came along
Things are difficult because what you’re doing is new. Many people don’t like change, or new things, or new ways of seeing and doing things. You are in the forefront of a new movement and way of seeing. You will bear the brunt of the pain dished out by a blind society/world. Years from now, what you are going through will have paved the way for others who will be accepted. It’s tough being the first, but someone has to be first, someone has to suffer until things become acceptable or not noticed any longer. So stay strong and believe that you are one of those who are opening the door for others in the future. If people use the wrong pronoun, they many not understand, they may be mean and hateful, but so what. You know who you are and what you’re doing. All the “firsts” go through hell, because people are crazy to begin with. Ignor them and be brave because you are forging a new path that will make the world a better place.
I hope