Parking Lot by Sofia Camara

Everything started with getting a random friend request. No, this isn’t a repeat of the post I wrote months ago—at least not for now—and I hope we don’t find ourselves there again. Just because I choose to add a little trans flag after my name, it attracts a lot of attention. Now, don’t get me wrong, not all the people who add me end up being awful, but about 95% are. What do I mean is they simply want my body; some make their intentions right away, which makes it easy. If they don’t want to accept a no thanks as an answer, there is the block button.

The tricky part is the nice ones, the ones you get to connect with, whether it’s a friendship or something else. You start to believe they are there to stay, so you begin to open up, and one day they are no longer, and no matter how much you say you need to move on, it’s not hard to say but to do, there is a sea in between. The lyrics in the song Parking Lot by Sofia Camara hit home when I heard the song: “I’d rather hate you”, “If I don’t get to have you anymore”.

Parking Lot Lyrics:

“Parking Lot”

I saw you yesterday
I didn’t even say hi
I know you don’t deserve that
But I couldn’t find the words

I let em out in my best friend’s car
Just calling you things that I know you aren’t
A gas lighter, a fake ass crier, and stupid
An impostor but I’m a liar
Cause the truth is

I don’t wanna let you go
Holdin’ onto threads of hope
I’d rather hate you
If I don’t get to have you anymore

Sorry that I’ve been so cold
Maybe it was all my fault
I had to make you the enemy
So I can keep you close

Oh I’m covered in tears in this parking lot
Holding this grudge cause it’s all I’ve got

4 years and 20 bad fights
Black outs and little white lies
It’s easier to look back
And leave out all the good nights

Said goodbye in your parents yard
Was calling you things that I know you aren’t
Your a player, manipulator
But the truth is

I don’t wanna let you go
Holdin’ onto threads of hope
I’d rather hate you
If I don’t get to have you anymore

Sorry that I’ve been so cold
Maybe it was all my fault
I had to make you the enemy
So I can keep you close

Oh I’m covered in tears in this parking lot
Holding this grudge cause it’s all I’ve got

I had your Friday midnights
Kissin’ in blurry headlights
Had your heavenly shoulder to cry on
In the back of the taxi saying take me home
Now I’m left on my own and you took it all
Your perfect body and all of your clothes
Out the door while you left me with nothing
But blood on my hands and nothing to hold

But I don’t wanna let you go
Holdin’ onto threads of hope
I’d rather hate you
If I don’t get to have you anymore

Sorry that I’ve been so cold
Maybe it was all my fault
I had to make you the enemy
So I can keep you close

Oh I’m covered in tears in this parking lot
Holding this grudge cause it’s all I’ve got

Online Ghosts:

It will be a game

Of will you be a ghost

When I share with you the most

Not wanting to be a one-day host

Not sure how much more

I can unlearn to trust

And learn all over again

Alex