Carry You Home by Ward Thomas

I have been having the same dream over and over again, the same five minutes on repeat. I was surprised that reading Cerebral Palsy: A Story: Finding the Calm After the Storm by Ilana Estelle, it would trigger some hospital memories, which isn’t fun. However, let me go back to the dream because in my head, there’s a connection, but I’m having a hard time putting the words together. I don’t know why, but when I think about something all day, then I have a hard time expressing it.

The dream is about a particular classmate from years ago in the primary school grounds, mind you, the school is no longer located there. I think the dream is more about the person I’m dreaming about. The boy in my dreams was a good friend of mine in primary school who’s now a doctor. One of my medical issues since I came out is that a lot of my classmates have become doctors and nurses, and I had them in my care team, which can cause issues.

The biggest one is misgendering on purpose, even if all my documents have been changed to the correct ones, with the right gender marker. From an outsider’s point of view, it might not sound like a big deal, but the hospital is a stressful place, so things like misgendering can really hurt and harm. The song I picked is from nine years ago and is called “Carry You Home” by Ward Thomas. It talks about friendships that last, or in my case, that don’t.

Carry You Home Lyrics:

When it all comes caving in

And you can’t be brave again

Whenever you need a friend, need a friend

Call me

When the red light stops your tracks

And you know you can’t turn back

Whenever you need a friend, need a friend

Call me

Coz I’ll be there to carry you home

When you’re on your own so scared

And I’ll be there when it all goes wrong

Just to show you someone cares

If you need a light, I’ll help you find a reason to believe

Call me

Yeah we all fight different fights

But everybody feels, everybody bleeds, everybody cries

So whenever you need a friend, need a friend

Call me

Coz I’ll be there to carry you home

When you’re on your own so scared

And I’ll be there when it all goes wrong

Just to show you someone cares

If you need a light, I’ll help you find a reason to believe

Call me

When it all comes caving in, I’m beside you till the end

Coz I’ll be there to carry you home

When you’re on your own so scared

And I’ll be there when it all goes wrong

Just to show you someone cares

If you need a light, I’ll help you find a reason to believe

Call me

If you need a light, I’ll help you find a reason to believe

Call me

You & I

I blamed myself

When I didn’t find you at the crossroads

Because I’m no longer the one

You know me to be

But that one wasn’t the real me

When my feelings you ignore

I don’t know for what

I’m fighting to stay in this friendship for