When a bird or a butterfly
Are Trapped
And
They fight
For their lives
This is how
Gender Dysphoria
Feels
And
To be
Set free
I need
To learn
To be
Me
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Tag: My life
Thoughts On One Of My Favourite Poems From My Book
This is one of my favourite poems that I wrote in my boy. It’s true that I didn’t title any of my works from the book and there is a reason for it, I wanted you the readers to make my writing yours. To think your own life thoughts from your life.
When I tell people, I am a boy
They treat me like a broken toy
When you’re in the wrong body, it feels like a cage
Full of fear and rage
I am transgender is what I will yell
One day my body will get out of this hell
Myself is hard to embrace
When I feel like an empty space
The real me I want to see bloom
Even if I had to walk to the moon
No more shame
When I hear my birth name
Enough with being numb
Happy times will come
I remember very clearly where I was when I wrote this, I was at my dad’s in my childhood home. And feeling the pain that I was going through having told my mum and sister that I’m a trans guy and I remember being very angry at myself because I wanted to be the person that my family wanted so they would accept me.
Then, I realised that before they start to accept me and see me as a man, I have to do that myself first. A bit longer than a year and a half from that day. I did have a name change, and my gender marker changed to male, so my name carries no shame as I said in the last line, I still believe that happy times will come. I guess if I was honest, now that I’m rereading this I think it’s a reminder that everything will be okay in the end.
Alex
Destroying My Mum’s Game…
This is how you destroy your mother’s game, things needed: a Facebook game app, an IPad and me. In all fairness, I just tried to help. If you aren’t familiar with Facebook, it has games, and these games have apps that can be downloaded on your phone, IPad or other devices. My mum’s game is called Criminal Case, and after months of her begging me, I started playing too.
My mum has two Facebook account, so she always wanted to play her two games from the same app. So I went to my Mysteries Of The Past app (the game) and logged out and logged in her account and it worked so I logged out again and went back on mine. When my mum got home, and I went on hers to show her how to do it.
I logged off her account and logged into mine but then every time tried to log out and log in to hers I would only log back into mine, and I have her game on mine no, and we lost our game energy. I tried everything that I can think of to fix it.
The fact that I messed out my mum’s game is causing me a lot of anxiety, and yes I know it’s just a game, and I don’t mind losing my game, but I’m sad for my mum because she spent hours’ worth playing this game, and I destroyed it with one single click. I did email the team that takes care of the game, and I haven’t heard anything back. If you guys have any idea on how to solve this, please let me know in the comments.
Alex
May’s Wrap Up/ Life Update
This month I read 44 books, which is typical for me. I decided to tell you what happened this month, so here we go. This month didn’t start so high, the family had to say farewell to Abby, our dog, and that made the whole feel lost. It was time to face one of my fears head on, I returned to a hair salon, in this case, a barbershop after a lot of anxiety I did it, and it changed the way I look at myself. The magic of a haircut!
I’ve been able to stay in my “happy place.” The reason is I was able to find my comfort zone and got me through hard times, including being sick with a chest infection. A few days ago I got a text from this person saying that I’m “toxic” person, I don’t think I’m but if I ever hurt anyone I’m sorry harming or triggering anyone isn’t my aim in life.
I’m meeting my third endocrinologist on the 24th this month so wish me because I’m scared of the unknown and that my case is rejected but, I’m not going to give up because I know I’m a man and that’s what’s important to me.
Accessibility In Malta
Let me start everything off, by saying that this topic was my research at Junior College which did earn me one of my A ‘levels, so I’m talking from research and studies point of view apart from the fact that I’m a wheelchair user myself.
My aim in writing this is to answer a question I hear a lot, and that is “Is Malta wheelchair friendly?” my short answer to that is no, we’re nowhere even close as a country to be wheelchair friendly. And you know what pisses me the most is that the government says that people like me have access to go anywhere they do press releases and whatnot and feeding people misleading news for votes. If you sit in a wheelchair for one day, you will get how hard our life is, and no one will care because they don’t even understand what a wheelchair is.
I’m Maltese, born and breed but I need to voice this pain that my own country is causing me and not just me but all for all wheelchair users that live here.
Alex
The Show Must Go On
Hey guys, this post is about my life, if you’re here to hear about books tune in with me tomorrow. During the last few weeks, I’ve been having anorexic thoughts, as a teen, I did go through anorexia, not because I wanted to be thin per se, in my case, it’s my gender dysphoria. However, I’m winning the battle by eating. A few days ago, I had to put down my dog Abby, and as a family, that was one of the hardest days we had to as a family. I do pre-blog for the days I’m not feeling well.
I’m on the right track I’m in therapy after many battles my id card came out as male which I’m very proud and happy about that. On the day this post goes up my best friend pushed me to go have a haircut which will make me look less like a bear and will help me feel less dysphoric, so thank you, Neville, for this and everything you help me overcome.
Alex
Cerebral Palsy And Making Love
I might regret writing this post in a couple of years but, I’m doing it for two reasons, first as the tag line of this blog says I’m willing to my life and everything within it because my life stories could help people out. Secondly, I got so many questions on this subject that I want to be able to refer to people somewhere when they want to read more about the issue.
I have a condition called Cerebral Palsy because the hospital made a mistake when I was born, which landed me in a wheelchair. The most common question I get asked is “Are you paralyzed?” my answer is no; I’m not I feel every inch of my body. However, my body has a hard time when it comes to movement.
My thoughts on making love change from time to time but that’s not because of my condition or my religion. The main reason is that I’ve gender dysphoria making me uncomfortable with my body most of the time. By the way, I want to make something clearer just because I’m a pan-sexual doesn’t mean that I’m dating anyone that comes, especial if they can’t my condition and lifestyle.
Alex
