Birds And Butterflies

When a bird or a butterfly
Are Trapped
And
They fight
For their lives
This is how
Gender Dysphoria
Feels
And
To be
Set free
I need
To learn
To be
Me

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Thoughts On One Of My Favourite Poems From My Book

This is one of my favourite poems that I wrote in my boy. It’s true that I didn’t title any of my works from the book and there is a reason for it, I wanted you the readers to make my writing yours. To think your own life thoughts from your life.

When I tell people, I am a boy

They treat me like a broken toy

When you’re in the wrong body, it feels like a cage

Full of fear and rage

 

I am transgender is what I will yell

One day my body will get out of this hell

Myself is hard to embrace

When I feel like an empty space

 

The real me I want to see bloom

Even if I had to walk to the moon

No more shame

When I hear my birth name

 

Enough with being numb

Happy times will come

I remember very clearly where I was when I wrote this, I was at my dad’s in my childhood home. And feeling the pain that I was going through having told my mum and sister that I’m a trans guy and I remember being very angry at myself because I wanted to be the person that my family wanted so they would accept me.

Then, I realised that before they start to accept me and see me as a man, I have to do that myself first. A bit longer than a year and a half from that day. I did have a name change, and my gender marker changed to male, so my name carries no shame as I said in the last line, I still believe that happy times will come. I guess if I was honest, now that I’m rereading this I think it’s a reminder that everything will be okay in the end.

Alex

 

 

Destroying My Mum’s Game…

This is how you destroy your mother’s game, things needed: a Facebook game app, an IPad and me. In all fairness, I just tried to help. If you aren’t familiar with Facebook, it has games, and these games have apps that can be downloaded on your phone, IPad or other devices. My mum’s game is called Criminal Case, and after months of her begging me, I started playing too.

My mum has two Facebook account, so she always wanted to play her two games from the same app. So I went to my Mysteries Of The Past app (the game) and logged out and logged in her account and it worked so I logged out again and went back on mine. When my mum got home, and I went on hers to show her how to do it.

I logged off her account and logged into mine but then every time tried to log out and log in to hers I would only log back into mine, and I have her game on mine no, and we lost our game energy. I tried everything that I can think of to fix it.

The fact that I messed out my mum’s game is causing me a lot of anxiety, and yes I know it’s just a game, and I don’t mind losing my game, but I’m sad for my mum because she spent hours’ worth playing this game, and I destroyed it with one single click.  I did email the team that takes care of the game, and I haven’t heard anything back. If you guys have any idea on how to solve this, please let me know in the comments.

Alex

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May’s Wrap Up/ Life Update

Timoleon Vieta Come Home by Dan Rhodes Summer Stock by Vanessa North Prelude to a Wedding by Patricia McLinn Crazy Rich Asians by Kevin Kwan City Boy by A.E. Wasp Merge Ahead by Tanya Chris Dare To Love by Amanda Kaitlyn Just Juliet by Charlotte Reagan Soulswap by Arizona Tape Temptation by Design by Andrea Dalling Sissy by Jacob Tobia The Rules of Love by Cara Malone The Rainbow Clause by Beth Bolden Girls Love Girls by Liz Gavin When I'm Weak by Aria Grace Shane and Trey by Anyta Sunday When It's Right by Aria Grace Would it be Okay to Love You? by Amy Tasukada I Wish You All the Best by Mason Deaver Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston Kings, Queens, and In-Betweens by Tanya Boteju Handle With Care by Patrice Wilton A Hero Lies Within by Patrice Wilton Private Paris by James Patterson  Steeplechase by James Patterson Gallows View by Peter Robinson At First Sight by Patrice Wilton The Paragon Hotel by Lyndsay Faye Kill and Tell by James Patterson Second Son by Lee Child The Exile by James Patterson Deep Down by Lee Child Not a Drill by Lee Child Scott Free by James Patterson The Song of the Jade Lily by Kirsty Manning Small Wars by Lee Child Zoo 2 by James Patterson Caedmon's Song by Peter Robinson Merry Christmas, Alex Cross by James Patterson Dry Bones that Dream by Peter Robinson Penguins of America by James Patterson Queer Eye by Antoni Porowski Friend of the Devil by Peter Robinson Zoo by James Patterson

This month I read 44 books, which is typical for me. I decided to tell you what happened this month, so here we go. This month didn’t start so high, the family had to say farewell to Abby, our dog, and that made the whole feel lost. It was time to face one of my fears head on, I returned to a hair salon, in this case, a barbershop after a lot of anxiety I did it, and it changed the way I look at myself. The magic of a haircut!

I’ve been able to stay in my “happy place.” The reason is I was able to find my comfort zone and got me through hard times, including being sick with a chest infection. A few days ago I got a text from this person saying that I’m “toxic” person, I don’t think I’m but if I ever hurt anyone I’m sorry harming or triggering anyone isn’t my aim in life.

I’m meeting my third endocrinologist on the 24th this month so wish me because I’m scared of the unknown and that my case is rejected but, I’m not going to give up because I know I’m a man and that’s what’s important to me.

Accessibility In Malta

Let me start everything off, by saying that this topic was my research at Junior College which did earn me one of my A ‘levels, so I’m talking from research and studies point of view apart from the fact that I’m a wheelchair user myself.

My aim in writing this is to answer a question I hear a lot, and that is “Is Malta wheelchair friendly?” my short answer to that is no, we’re nowhere even close as a country to be wheelchair friendly. And you know what pisses me the most is that the government says that people like me have access to go anywhere they do press releases and whatnot and feeding people misleading news for votes. If you sit in a wheelchair for one day, you will get how hard our life is, and no one will care because they don’t even understand what a wheelchair is.

I’m Maltese, born and breed but I need to voice this pain that my own country is causing me and not just me but all for all wheelchair users that live here.

Alex

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The Show Must Go On

Hey guys, this post is about my life, if you’re here to hear about books tune in with me tomorrow. During the last few weeks, I’ve been having anorexic thoughts, as a teen, I did go through anorexia, not because I wanted to be thin per se, in my case, it’s my gender dysphoria. However, I’m winning the battle by eating. A few days ago, I had to put down my dog Abby, and as a family, that was one of the hardest days we had to as a family. I do pre-blog for the days I’m not feeling well.

I’m on the right track I’m in therapy after many battles my id card came out as male which I’m very proud and happy about that. On the day this post goes up my best friend pushed me to go have a haircut which will make me look less like a bear and will help me feel less dysphoric, so thank you, Neville, for this and everything you help me overcome.

Alex

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Cerebral Palsy And Making Love

I might regret writing this post in a couple of years but, I’m doing it for two reasons, first as the tag line of this blog says I’m willing to my life and everything within it because my life stories could help people out. Secondly, I got so many questions on this subject that I want to be able to refer to people somewhere when they want to read more about the issue.

I have a condition called Cerebral Palsy because the hospital made a mistake when I was born, which landed me in a wheelchair. The most common question I get asked is “Are you paralyzed?” my answer is no; I’m not I feel every inch of my body. However, my body has a hard time when it comes to movement.

My thoughts on making love change from time to time but that’s not because of my condition or my religion. The main reason is that I’ve gender dysphoria making me uncomfortable with my body most of the time. By the way, I want to make something clearer just because I’m a pan-sexual doesn’t mean that I’m dating anyone that comes, especial if they can’t my condition and lifestyle.

Alex

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