So here I am, eight days before Christmas eve, and I was going to check my overflowing emails because the only thing I have done is finish a book and write an extra post I posted today. The different thing I did out of my norm is that I have music in my ears instead of a book, and it’s just a 2000s playlist I found on Spotify. It opened the gate for thoughts and memories; I felt the need to write like every writer. Plus, there is something that I need to share and process regarding my health, but I wasn’t ready.
Last November, I visited my specialist to check on my hand injury. I knew it, but the doctor confirmed that my Cerebral Palsy has deteriorated. What I don’t get is how nonchalantly she acted while she told me. The only option she gave me was botox in the muscle to try and remove some of the pain. Of course, the side effect is more muscle fatigue in that hand, which doesn’t make it an option in my head. So, thank God I’m stubborn because it’s how I move forward on bad days
I have caught myself wanting to tear up, but I think it’s a human thing to feel. Testosterone is bitter-sweet here since I cannot cry to let it out, and it’s sweet because I can still stay composed in times when it can be overwhelming. In terms of transition, this is something in the pipeline; alas, I won’t say it out loud until it happens. I need to start another writing project since it’s a relief when a story in my head fills the page. Sorry that my posts weren’t as Christmasy as I had planned.