Even if I came more than first years ago, I have never been to pride. The first year, I feared I would meet someone who knew me pre-transition, which caused dysphoria and anxiety. As the years passed, it became easier to deal with. However, I won’t lie; talking about my dead name and genitals is still uncomfortable.
The fastest way for me to put you on my unimpressed list is if you are a stranger and use these kinds of questions as a first liner. Then the year after, I had surgery, so I couldn’t attend, and the year after, I went on holiday with family after 11 years. Then, in 2020 the pandemic hit the world, and everything was cancelled.
I have been participating in research and surveys in the past year, hoping to do some good. Especially in Gozo, where I grew up, people tend to be slightly closed-minded. Well, a few weeks ago, I was asked if I wanted to participate in a podcast between the CRPD (the agency responsible for people with disability and MGRM (the most prominent LGBT+ NGO in Malta).
I surprised myself by saying yes. Since in real life, I’m pretty shy in real life, and if some of my family members find out about this, it won’t be fun. I’m allowed to be so open about myself and my thoughts because I know they are likely never going to read my blog. I have no issue with the nasty comments. Lucky, I think I have enough tough skin and therapy to handle it. Thus, I don’t know if it’s the same for my close family. I know my sister went through a lot just because I’m disabled. The thought that who I am causes pain to my loved ones bothers me. I will ask for permission to share the podcast with you.