Our 90 Days Didn’t Happen…

I just finished watching 90 Day Fiancé season 8, and I have a few things to say and thoughts to share. I’m someone who had more online relationships than in-person ones. In my teens, I was a hopeless romantic. I guess living on an island and being disabled and queer doesn’t leave me with a lot of opinions.

After a timeline relationship, I use the word timeline because he literally gave me a date of when we will end. There is no other way to say it than he used me for my body, and I allowed it because I fell unworthy and in love. I thought I was going to stay alone all my life, and that was painful. I was 17, struggling with gender issues I felt I had to keep hidden forever.

It was Christmas Eve of that year, and I posted whether I should cut my hair or not, as stupid as it sounds. To my brain, long hair means feminine and short means masculine on myself, which doesn’t make a ton of sense, I know. Anyway, I got a comment from a guy, and we ended up on my hair, of all things. I was interested to learn more about this guy, and we moved over to a Skype video call. After an hour or so, I turned to my sister, and I said this guy will be my boyfriend. Our chats were days long because we would fall asleep on video chat. Within a few months, we were talking about marriage; by then, I was 18.

I was a student, and we couldn’t afford to bring him here. So my mum went to a TV show that makes dreams come true type show. She nominated me, and my story was chosen, and my mum was supposed to keep it a surprise from me.  She couldn’t because she or my ex weren’t aware of all the hours it would take in research and paperwork it takes just to get a passport. By the way, the show didn’t apply for the passport or paid for it.

The two main issues were that his family didn’t want him to get a passport, and when we filed the documents, they asked for in the application. However, they needed more identification which he didn’t have. So I ended going on the show to be told that my boyfriend couldn’t come. At this point, I would be anywhere and burst into tears. Causing worse dysphoria because I was holding myself in, hoping that this relationship would work. So after two years of fighting for it, he got a passport.

By then, our relationship was hanging on by a thread. If I remember right, there was some cheating towards the end. I broke it off, telling him that I liked another guy. In reality, I wanted to be the guy. Now, we are on good terms; however, I feel like I can be best friends with him, which makes me feel bad. I guess I will share my thoughts on 90 day fiance season 8 in another post.

Alex