This post is more of a rant about thoughts passing through my mind, and if I don’t share them, I won’t be able to focus. When I wrote the post, my thoughts on therapy I had actually just quit going to therapy that month. My gender issues and body go hand in hand, but there are still grey areas there, especially my weight.
Just to give a bit of a background, when I was five my mum told me to this sports centre where people with different abilities hang out trained and do sports. I had become pretty good at a particular sport. I think some of it was luck, and I was pretty driven. As we used to call him, my trainer or coach started to work my body hard at the GYM.
I had an excellent chance to enter Malta’s Paralympics team. While I believe it’s a good idea to start early, knowing what I know now, having a strict diet at that age isn’t healthy. The only subject that my family about were negative comments about my weight. As soon as my first cycle hit, I felt like I was dying. With it came the feminine curves, and that’s when my mind started to turn dark. I realized that the less I ate, the more my weight drops, especially my chest area, which the boy in the closet loved.
At the thick of it, I didn’t eat for more than three months, apart from water and milkshakes, which was also controlled. At 15, my parents took me to my first psychiatrist, and he thought that the best treatment was antidepressants. I still don’t think it’s the best way to go about it since it won’t fix the core issue of gender dysphoria. Now that I’m on hormones, I will be discussing with my psychiatrist to try and slowly get of the antidepressants.