Everything started when I came out to my doctor a few months after I came to my mum. Like most parents, my mum thought I was just going through a phase. I remember feeling very destress. What added to the fire was that my mum told me she would kick me out if I started hormones; luckily, she did change her mind nearly 3 years later.
My doctor is the one who sent me to a psychologist because she felt I could benefit from some therapy. Especially since, at the time, we didn’t have a gender clinic. I believe that the law that you don’t need a report from a psychiatrist to start hormones. In my first session, I wanted the ground to open and swallow me. I’m a person who keeps personal thoughts under lock and key, so it took me about a year of sessions to feel safe and opened up.
Expressing the feelings I had about my body was my biggest hurdle because of the emotion of being trapped in my body. My words came across as me not caring for my body. I now know that I was trying to explain how gender dysphoria feels to someone that has never experienced it. When we broke that barrier, she could no longer have my case.
It turned that a change of people helped me because the new psychologist seems to be more open. Which allows me to go deeper than the surface in a safe way. Having said, I think everyone should find the therapy that works for them. The most important thing is to reach out if you feel you need help.