How Hugging Has Become A Secret?

Hug, Hand, Arm
Image from Pixabay

Since both of my parents didn’t grow up with a ton of affection. My dad went on to enter the army. Which has a bit of a robotic environment in my eyes and from the stories I heard. My mum living with nuns and then becoming a nun herself didn’t fare much better. Sadly, I fear she smiles to hide her pain which is a habit she passed on to me.

Before coming out and transition, I wanted nothing to do with anyone touching my body in no shape or form, not even for a hug. Which, shows how bad my gender dysphoria was. Adding salt to injury, my parents aren’t the hugging type.

However, I trained my mind to see hugging in a different view. As a way to receive and give love which is what hugging really is all about. At this point, I’m not only okay with a friendly hug, but I use them to comfort myself. I’m not really sure how I would feel with an inmate hug if I had a partner since that kind of hug would require more physical contact.

Now due to covid, you can’t really hug your friends because you can’t run the risk of getting sick or getting your friends sick. I’m craving hugs, and the comfort they give me and I just hate that if you need a hug, you need to keep it a secret.

Alex

14 thoughts on “How Hugging Has Become A Secret?

  1. That.explaims a.lot and why your disphoria is so bad but I’m glad u like hugs now I was slightly different it was cos of my asd why I didn’t like hugs that and disphoria but I’ve also trained my brain to like hugs too

    Liked by 1 person

  2. virtual hugs 🙂
    I used to hate hugs, but it was during a time when I was hurting from multiple deaths in the family and I was pushing people away; I kinda went through it again when I went through cancer. In a way, I think it’s a defense or a way to protect yourself when hurting. At the moment, I take all the hugs I can get, limited contact, of course!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I grew up in a family where hugging wasn’t really a thing so I always felt awkward hugging people but like you I have come to love hugs and really miss them. Sending you a virtual hug!

    Liked by 1 person

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