(I understand that this isn’t a happy post, but I wrote this a few weeks ago and got the chance to post it).
What makes me a man? The simple answer is something that I feel from within, how my mind thinks a way and my body shows another thing. I spent years suppressing the way I felt about my body. To try to remove the pain within by attacking my body. Unlike what psychiatrists say not everyone self-harms for attention, in my case I blamed my mind and body for feeling male.
Growing the message was that you need to use your body if you ever want to be loved. At which point I disconnected from my body and more often than not, I was just flash, and bones with my soul closed in a cage. My brain would go blank and would act like what society or my partner at the time wanted me to act.
I ended up putting myself in a dark hole and no matter how much I tried to dig myself out I couldn’t till I came out. I remember when I reached out for help, I told them I feel like I’m a monster. When I came out, my battle was nowhere close to over. The hardest part is dealing with the monster I thought of myself and come out of the shadows as the real me.
Alex
Mybookworld24 
Omg. This is so sad. The disconnect and the hole you dug. My heart breaks for u.
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The disconnect is why I’m trans and have gender dysphoria
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Yes I understand but it’s still very sad. I love that you write about it and the feelings. It so comes out in your words. That is a gift. Your pain translates for the reader.
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I try my best
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It’s always intriguing to see your story. Many hopes that the bold, brave steps you’ve taken are doing well toward your mental and physical well being.
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Thanks
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