Why Am I Feeling This Way?

Just to give you guys a heads up that this might become a bit depressing, so I get it if you don’t want to read this. Writing helps me process what I’m feeling and thinking. Have you ever felt alone even when you’ve a whole room of people ready to listen to you? That’s how I’m feeling right now. I grew up trying to avoid my feelings especially the feelings relate it to my gender. The fact that I haven’t came out to dad in eating me up with guilty. There are reasons why I haven’t told dad, the first one is that I’m scared he’ll reject me and disown.

Secondly, my dad doesn’t understand English and English is the only language I’m comfortable enough to talk about something as intimate as my transition from female to male and that made me miss out of a lot of things in my life. The biggest one is when my endocrinologist would give me testosterone which later on I found that that is illegal in Malta.

A few weeks ago I got invited to take part in a documentary about trans people in Malta, and I had to turn it down because it’s going to be on Malta’s National TV chances that my dad sees it and I don’t want to be outed on national TV. However, my friend is one of the project leaders so as soon as he allows me to share the documentary with you, I will so stay tuned!


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